And now some more excerpts from my Grandmother's retirement village newletter:
Why English is hard to learn:
The bandage was wound around the wound
The farm was used to produce produce
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse
We must polish the Polish furniture
He could lead if he could get the lead out
Since there was not time like the present he thought it was time to present the present
I did not object to the object
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row
They were too close to the door to close it
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I shed my clothes in the shed
A duck grows up before it grows down
You chop a tree down before you chop it up
One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship
Bakers bake, so why don't grocers grace?
The plural of tooth is teeth, so why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
Quicksand can work slowly
Boxing rings are square
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
The Golden Phone
A man decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. He bought a plane ticket to Orlando thinking that he would start by working his way accross the US from south to north. On his first day he went into a church and was taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call". The man, being intrigued, asked a nearby priest what the telephone was used for. The priest said that it was a direct line to heaven and for $10,000 you could talk to God.
The man thanked the priest and went on his way. His next stop was Atlanta. There, in a large cathedral he saw another golden telephone with the same sign beneath it and he asked a passing nun what it's purpose was. She said that it was a direct line to heaven and for $10,000 you could talk to God.
The man then travelled all accross America, Europe, Japan and New Zealand. In every church he saw the same golden telephone and sign with $10,000 per call on it.
Then he travelled to Australia.
He arrived at the Gold Coast and in the first church he entered there was again the golden telephone, but the sign under it read "40c per call".
The man was so surprised he asked a priest about the sign. "Father, I've travelled all over the world and I've seen the same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it's a direct line to heaven, but everywhere else the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"
The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Australia now son. This is God's own country - it's a local call".